"So do you have problems with heartburn too?"

What a day!

It started with me waking up at 4 am with cramps from hell. Then, after getting up, taking an ibuprofen and telling the cats about 20 times that it's not time for breakfast yet, of course I couldn't get back to sleep.
I didn't get up when the alarm rang and made it to work at 1 fucking 30 pm.
I was supposed to have a meeting with my social worker this afternoon and my boss did try to make me go (it is sweet how caring he is) but I was pretty glad to have an excuse to blow it off. Since she told me that she's pregnant, she's different. More reserved and detached somehow. Maybe it is because I didn't congratulate her but then I just don't get how having babies is the greatest thing in the world.
Especially not if they turn out to be little shitheads like the one I had the joy to listen to when I was outside for a few minutes this noon. It was just screaming its head off and the mother kept saying "I'm going to have lunch on my own then. It's getting cold and I don't want to eat cold food." about 20 times in a row. At some point I just hollored at her to shut up and just do it then but I don't think she heard me.

Anyhow, I ended up working till eight just to get enough hours in. And of course after work I couldn't go straight home because I forgot to get something at the supermarket yesterday. So while I was freezing my ass off at the traffic lights (funny how it's so much colder at night with the sun gone...) this little dodgy looking guy leaned into me. I was listening to music LOUD on my headphones so I couldn't hear him but when I pulled one of them out he was going on about his heartburn. I just glared at him and pointedly put it back in. Didn't help though.
At least the extra trip to the supermarket gave me an excuse to buy beer. And I need it! I'm really tense right now, chewing my fingernails and picking my scalp. And the fucking computer just pooped out on me. At least this auto-save business seems to work!

Music Monday

I recently became a MyHogwarts Beta tester.
That page introduced me to Wizard Rock for the first time (they have a radio). To be honest, a lot of it is just cheesy, pathetic shit but I discovered this one song that I LOVE LOVE LOVE for its music. And for Wizard Rock, the lyrics aren't tooooo bad either.


The Moaning Myrtles - And then I died
(click to listen!)

One rainy day at Hogwarts school
I got new glasses and I thought they were cool
Olive Hornby passed by
I said, “Don’t I look fly?”
She said, “No ugly Myrtle, you look more like a fool.”

I went to the bathroom on the second floor
What was Olive thinking, now this is war
So I started to bawl
And ran into a stall
And I heard a boy talking just outside of the door

Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.

I don’t know what happened during that attack
My body seized up, everything went black
Then I floated away
And you know what they say
My life still sucked so then I came back

That evil witch wouldn’t get away
I haunted Olive Hornby every night and day
Till the Ministry called
Oh and they were appalled
I was sent back to Hogwarts where I am today.

Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.

Been the bathroom ghost since the night I fell
It’s not so bad if you ignore the smell
I was sorry to go
But there’s one thing I know
Olive Hornby is burning in hell

Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes

And now I’m Moaning Myrtle and I live in a toilet
Olive Hornby got what was coming to her
As you know, nothing’s been the same ever since
The day I…

Spacebrain 2.0

It's 7-fucking-30 on a Saturday morning and I've been up for almost an hour. Why? Because I forgot to turn off my alarm clock last night, of course! During the week, when I have to get up and go to work, I usually feel like hitting the snooze button about a million times. Today I'm awake! I really don't like life's sense of humor.

I broke my Twitter break last night but I acted pretty civilized and didn't overshare too much. And two of the three people I texted/called totally ignored me. And I texted early. There's no way both of them were asleep already before nine o'clock.
I take stuff like that very personally. My therapist brought up my not asking people to spend time with me for the upteenth time just this Thursday. (And I hate answering the same questions over and over again. I might just have to mention that.) And this is exactly why I don't do that much. Because they don't want to spend time with me. Because it's me. And who can blame them? I wouldn't hang out with me if I had a choice.

Ons and Offs

I've been wanting to write again for a couple of weeks now.

I've mostly been inspired by Lalagirl who blogs several times a week and sometimes even several times a day. (Although I don't know if she's still doing that; I'm still busy catching up, currently reading March 2008.) She is someone I really look up to when it comes to blogging.
And isn't it weird how I can't stand children IRL but love reading Mommy blogs? I guess vicariousness is just about enough for me.

Well, I'm currently taking a hiatus from Twitter. For the last year, twitter has been a huge part of my life and I've made some (more or less) great friends there. But since they were annoying the shit out of me lately I felt it was better for all of us if I just stepped back a little. (After one week off I still think in Tweet-form. I guess it's bad.)

I've been sitting outside in the sunshine on the balcony for the first time this year today. And I was at peace. It's a feeling I don't really know. And right now (8.24 pm, dark and getting kinda cool outside) I'm still full of endorphines and I wish one of my (very few) friends would just reply to my texts and go dancing with me.

Everything I wrote seems so shallow. I've been going over this post in my head for about a week and now that I sit down to type it, I can't remember all the things I wanted to say. I really should just keep a list.


I hope to be back soon.
Love.
Lisbeth.

Soon...

I'm constantly wanting to update this blog. Mostly because I've read a lot of others' lately. But I really need to wrap my mind around what I want to write. This isn't Twitter after all.

I'm also working on translating my earlier entries. For some reason I think English will be easier for others.


(The blog I'm reading at the moment - I'm currently at August 2007 - has given me a lot of inspiration.I hope I can use some of it for this.)

Postcrossing #4-6

I haven't been active on Postcrossing much (or this blog, come to speak of it) and it took me forever and a day to get these registered.

No. 4 came from Finland and it traveled 1,710 km (1,063 miles) .

No. 5 is from the USA, having travelled 8,439 km (5,244 miles).
(Sorry, I don't own a scanner and couldn't find a better picture online)

No. 6 is from Indonesia, sent to me from 11,235 km (6,981 miles) away.

Postcrossing #3

Today an exceptionally unattractive card was waiting for me. But it is written in a very funny German!
This too is from the Netherlands, traveled 221 km (137 miles) and took 4 days to get to me.

Postcrossing #2

Today there was another beautiful postcard in my mailbox. It came from Finland and took 12 days to travel 1.713 km (1.064 miles).

Questions: Borderline Personality Test

• Does criticism from other people, even in small measure, make you feel horrible inside?
  ✔
• While being successful in your work life, do you feel as though a happy, successful relationship has been the one thing that's alluded you?
  ✔
• Would you say your emotional life has been characterized by anguish?
  ✔
• Have you found it hard to have close friends for very long?
  ✔
• Do you feel like you have less friends than those around you?
  ✔
• Do you tend to, at first, over idealize people and later often feel let down by them?
  ✔
• Have you ever been accused of behaving in ways that are all or nothing with nothing in between?
  ✔
• Have you taken on the values, habits and preferences of people, institutions, religions or philosophies, only to regret this decision later?
  ✔
• Have you experienced intense episodes of sadness, irritability, and anxiety or panic attacks?
  ✔
• Have you often felt raw? exhausted? in despair?
  ✔
• Do you have trouble sleeping?
  ✘
• Have you experienced chronic feelings of emptiness? Have you experienced a physical manifestation of this in your stomach or chest?
  ✔
• Do you have trouble being alone?
  Hmmmmm....
• Have you experienced intense relationships?
  ✔
• Do you feel like other people's emotional needs are too great?
  ✔
• Have you felt depleted from giving it your all to relationships?
  ✘
• Have you felt like since you've given it all to relationships and they haven't worked, that your only choice for sanity and balance is to not be in a relationship?
  ✘
• Do you often feel lonely even when you are in a relationship?
  ✔
• Do you consciously or unconsciously fear being abandoned?
  ✔
• Do you seem to require more time with your partner than those you observe around you?
  ✘
• Does your partner accuse you of having a double standard about the relationship?
  ✘
• Have you said you feel "unsafe" in your relationship?
  ✘
• Do you feel like your partner isn't telling you everything?
  ✘
• Have you ever experienced an overpowering feeling that your partner was keeping things from you? Has your partner expressed feeling falsely accused of doing or saying things?
  ✔
• Do social engagements and vacations often end up in turmoil?
  ✔
• Do you feel a strong need for control?
  ✔
• Are you often afraid that the world is going to cave in on you... that your life is going to collapse if you aren't in control of everything?
  ✔
• Have you demonstrated outbursts in your most intimate relationships that seemed very appropriate at the time but you regretted later?
  ✔
• Have you suffered from intense bouts of anger that last for hours, maybe even a few days?
  ✔
• Are your expressions of anger sometimes followed by shame and guilt?
  ✔
• Do you ever feel shameful?
  ✔
• After a relationship has ended, have you felt like you're experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?
  ✔
• Do you feel like any contact with that person causes you too much stress?
  ✔
• Have you ever cut someone off and refused to speak to them?
  ✔
• Have you continued to refuse contact no matter how hard they try to reach you?
  ✘
• Do you use alcohol or drugs to soothe your emotional pain?
  ✔
• Do you have, or has anyone suggested you have, an eating disorder?
  ✔
• Have you been known to spend too much, eat too much, be sexually promiscuous, or drive too fast?
  ✘
• Have others commented or complained you work too much?
  ✘
• Has anyone ever accused you of being paranoid?
  ✔
• Have you ever cut yourself?
  ✔
• Have you ever experienced so much emotional pain that you felt like you wanted to die?
  ✔
• Have you ever attempted suicide?
  ✘

Source

Postcrossing #1

My first Postcrossing card arrived! From the Netherlands, 183 km (114 miles), 3 days travel time.