I'm alive

I just read all of my former blog posts and felt the need to at least mention that I'm still around because the last one was pretty fucking depressing.

I've been thinking about writing once in a while but somehow, out of laziness, never did. One time the feeling was especially strong was a little over a year ago after I had just come out of a relationship (or affair?) of only a month. I never really loved her and we weren't that compatible but she sure was pretty cool. She did sing and play guitar in a punk band.

And recently I've wanted to write again, too, but I really don't know why. I guess because a lot has changed. But a lot has also stayed the same. It might be because I'm no longer really active on twitter and sometimes I'd just like to share. I'm not sure why I don't post there anymore. I just lost interest.

What's the same:
I still drink way too much. I don't get completely wasted on weekends anymore but the three liters of beer a night still fits.
I'm still at my old job and I still don't like it any better.
I still spend most of my free time on the computer.
I still need background noise like tv series or audio books. I don't listen to music that much anymore.
My cats are still the best creatures in the world.

What's changed:
I have had a girlfriend for 9.5 months now. I love her to pieces but we often fight, mostly because she spends a lot of time with her friends and I get jealous. The borderline symptoms are definitely back.
I have something similar to a social life. For about a year I've been going to a Stammtisch every other week and I've met some great people there. Some of them have become something similar to real friends. One of them is my girlfriend.
I got a new iPhone. Which is great but because of that I also haven't read a book in almost a year.

I really hope I can really start blogging again. I did used to love it and it would be a good way to share.


I love you, readers.
Lisbeth.

Postcards for strangers

Last week (actually just before I found out I was broke) I decided to write some more postcrossing cards:

These are numbers 5-9.
To be honest, the first four I sent were all the card in the middle on the right. It's a very old card of the cafe my grandparents used to run.

And see the one of the beautiful cat eye? I wrote it all in Dutch!

I'm all happy and proud at the moment. As if I had accomplished something. But then I guess making people happy is something. And I'm always happy when I get a postcrossing card.

28, day three

I just got out voluntarily for the first time since Thurdsay morning. After about 700 pages I didn't feel like reading anymore. I'm actually giggling (well, slightly smiling) at the TV.
Now drinking tons of coffee and and listening to the cats dismantle the apartment some more. I might play some Sims...

I realized yesterday now that I'm not that drawn to the computer that much and when I'm at it, get bored quickly, I might actually enjoy doing crafts again. Listening to audiobooks which I have tons of at the moment and sewing and or knitting or just doing a fucking jigsaw. Without my iPhone I used to listen to the books in bed, I actually have to be up to do so and while I am, I might as well do something productive...




Edit: Pretty much 12 hours later. I picked up. And I discovered that half of the wine I thought I had drunk on Wendesday was still sitting around. So I drank it. And I don't like the feeling of it.

In addition I just went out to get cigarettes in the fucking cold. And I realized that I've been smoking a pack since noon. That only happens when I'm feeling active and/or drunk. The last 3 days I smoked only one...

Ons and Offs

I've been wanting to write again for a couple of weeks now.

I've mostly been inspired by Lalagirl who blogs several times a week and sometimes even several times a day. (Although I don't know if she's still doing that; I'm still busy catching up, currently reading March 2008.) She is someone I really look up to when it comes to blogging.
And isn't it weird how I can't stand children IRL but love reading Mommy blogs? I guess vicariousness is just about enough for me.

Well, I'm currently taking a hiatus from Twitter. For the last year, twitter has been a huge part of my life and I've made some (more or less) great friends there. But since they were annoying the shit out of me lately I felt it was better for all of us if I just stepped back a little. (After one week off I still think in Tweet-form. I guess it's bad.)

I've been sitting outside in the sunshine on the balcony for the first time this year today. And I was at peace. It's a feeling I don't really know. And right now (8.24 pm, dark and getting kinda cool outside) I'm still full of endorphines and I wish one of my (very few) friends would just reply to my texts and go dancing with me.

Everything I wrote seems so shallow. I've been going over this post in my head for about a week and now that I sit down to type it, I can't remember all the things I wanted to say. I really should just keep a list.


I hope to be back soon.
Love.
Lisbeth.

Soon...

I'm constantly wanting to update this blog. Mostly because I've read a lot of others' lately. But I really need to wrap my mind around what I want to write. This isn't Twitter after all.

I'm also working on translating my earlier entries. For some reason I think English will be easier for others.


(The blog I'm reading at the moment - I'm currently at August 2007 - has given me a lot of inspiration.I hope I can use some of it for this.)

Die 100 neuen Lieblingsbücher der Deutschen / The 100 new favorite books of Germans (in German)

Gefunden... Bei wem wohl?

Allerdings enthält das Original auch den Ursprung der Liste, die ich hier jetzt nicht nochmal posten will.

Fett = gelesen (oder angefangen)
Kursiv = will ich lesen
Weitere Kommentare jeweils in Klammern.

1. Suzanne Collins – Die Tribute von Panem: Tödliche Spiele
2. Stephenie Meyer – Biss zum Morgengrauen
3. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und der Gefangene von Askaban (engl.)
4. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und die Heiligtümer des Todes (engl.)
5. Walter Moers – Die Stadt der träumenden Bücher
6. Michael Ende – Die unendliche Geschichte
7. J. R. R. Tolkien – Der Herr der Ringe: Die Gefährten
8. Markus Zusak – Die Bücherdiebin
9. Carlos Ruiz Zafon – Der Schatten des Windes
10. Cornelia Funke – Tintenherz (als Hörbuch bis kurz vorm Ende)
11. Ken Follet – Die Säulen der Erde
12. Kerstin Gier – Rubinrot
13. Daniel Glattauer – Gut gegen Nordwind
14. Jane Austen – Stolz und Vorurteil
15. Patrick Süßkind – Das Parfüm
16. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und der Stein der Weisen  (engl.)
17. Stephenie Meyer – Biss zum Ende der Nacht
18. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und der Orden des Phönix (engl.)
19. Cassandra Clare – City of Bones
20. Stephenie Meyer – Seelen
21. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und der Feuerkelch (engl.)
22. Cecilia Ahern – P.S. Ich liebe Dich
23. J. R. R. Tolkien – Der Herr der Ringe: Die Rückkehr des Königs
24. Stephenie Meyer – Biss zum Abendrot
25. Simon Beckett – Die Chemie des Todes
26. Douglas Adams – Per Anhalter durch die Galaxis
27. Stieg Larsson – Verblendung
28. Marion Zimmer Bradley – Die Nebel von Avalon
29. Oscar Wilde – Das Bildnis des Dorian Gray (Nur die ersten Seiten. Zählt das?)
30. Ally Condie – Die Auswahl
31. Diana Gabaldon – Feuer und Stein
32. J. R. R. Tolkien – Der Herr der Ringe: Die zwei Türme
33. Donna W. Cross – Die Päpstin
34. Sebastian Fitzek – Die Therapie
35. Michael Ende – Momo
36. Khaled Hosseini – Drachenläufer
37. Kerstin Gier – Smaragdgrün
38. J. R. R. Tolkien – Der kleine Hobbit
39. Stieg Larsson – Verdammnis
40. Audrey Niffenger – Die Frau des Zeitreisenden
41. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und der Halbblutprinz (engl.)
42. Stephenie Meyer – Biss zur Mittagsstunde
43. Antoine de Saint-Exupery – Der kleine Prinz
44. Dan Brown – Illuminati (engl., Pflichtlektüre an der Uni)
45. Maggie Stiefvater – Nach dem Sommer
46. Astrid Lindgren – Ronja Räubertochter
47. Kerstin Gier – Saphirblau
48. Anna Gavalda – Zusammen ist man weniger allein
49. Frank Schätzing – Der Schwarm
50. Cody McFayden – Die Blutlinie
51. Noah Gordon – Der Medicus
52. Dan Brown – Sakrileg (engl., Pflichtlektüre an der Uni)
53. Cassandra Clare – City of Glass
54. Christopher Paolini – Eragon: Das Vermächtnis der Drachenreiter
55. Tess Gerritsen – Die Chirurgin
56. Arthur Golden – Die Geisha
57. Charlotte Bronte – Jane Eyre
58. Iny Lorentz – Die Wanderhure
59. Patrick Rothfuss – Der Name des Windes
60. Johann Wolfgang Goethe – Faust (Deutsch LK)
61. Suzanne Collins – Die Tribute von Panem: Gefährliche Liebe
62. Daniel Glattauer – Alle sieben Wellen
63. Ursula Poznanski – Erebos
64. Antonia Michaelis – Der Märchenerzähler
65. Jodi Picoult – Beim Leben meiner Schwester
66. Sebastian Fitzek – Der Seelenbrecher
67. Umberto Eco – Der Name der Rose
68. Walter Moers – Die 13 1/2 Leben des Käpt`n Blaubär
69. Kerstin Gier – Die Mütter-Mafia
70. Kristin Cashore – Die Beschenkte
71. Stieg Larsson – Vergebung
72. Jostein Gaarder – Sofies Welt
73. Bettina Belitz – Splitterherz
74. Simone Elkeles – Du oder das ganze Leben
75. Friedrich Dürenmatt – Die Physiker
76. Nina Blazon – Faunblut
77. Akif Pirnicci – Felidae
78. Kai Meyer – Arkadien erwacht
79. Simon Beckett – Kalte Asche
80. Rebecca Gable – Das Lächeln der Fortuna
81. George Orwell – 1984
82. Isabel Abedi – Lucian
83. Cecila Ahern – Für immer vielleicht
84. Milan Kundera – Die unerträgliche Leichtigkeit des Seins
85. J. K. Rowling – Harry Potter und die Kammer des Schreckens (engl.)
86. Paulo Coelho – Veronika beschließt zu sterben
87. Bram Stoker – Dracula
88. P. C. & Christin Cast – Gezeichnet (engl.)
89. John Boyne – Der Junge im gestreiften Pyjama
90. David Safier – Mieses Karma
91. Cody McFayden – Der Todeskünstler
92. Terry Pretchett – Gevatter Tod
93. Suzanne Collins – Die Tribute von Panem: Flammender Zorn
94. Anne Frank – Das Tagebuch der Anne Frank
95. Astrid Lindgren – Pippi Langstrumpf
96. Bernhard Schlink – Der Vorleser
97. Kerstin Gier – Für jede Lösung ein Problem
98. Christiane F. – Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo
99. Otfried Preußler – Krabat
100. Lauren Oliver – Wenn du stirbst zieht dein ganzes Leben an dir vorbei, sagen sie

The Camera

Santa Claus is bringing me a camera for Christmas this year. I do still have my old one that I bought (oh God, has it been that long?) 8 years ago but that just eats batteries. (And if I put in too cheap new ones it won't even turn on.) So when I moved in with the Ex, I just threw it in my box with electronical-junk cause she had a decent one. And there it still sits.

Lately I really feel like taking pictures though. Mostly of the cats who really are the two most beautiful creatures on this planets, but somtimes of just random other things too. I'd really like to be able to take pictures now already and as usual, I have lost my iPhone. (I'm pretty good at that.)

Maybe I should get that old log back out of its box and see how much life is left in it.




Edit: It's dead. I put in brand new (cheap) batteries and there is no reaction at all :(

[Stöckchen] Seite 123

I'm sorry, this is a tag and it's going to stay German.


Von Miss Temple mitgenommen.

• Nimm das nächste Buch in deiner Nähe mit mindestens 123 Seiten.
• Schlage Seite 123 auf.
• Suche den fünften Satz auf der Seite.
• Poste die nächsten drei Sätze.
• Wirf das Stöckchen an fünf Blogger weiter.

Ich habe kein Buch neben mir, also bin ich zum Regal gewankt und hab das erste Buch in Reichweite genommen.

Franz Kafka - Erzählungen

"So viel Wasser hätte der Nil nicht, um uns rein zu waschen. Wir laufen doch bloß schon vor dem Anblick ihres lebenden Leibes weg, in reinere Luft, in die Wüste, die deshalb unsere Heimat ist.'
Und alle Schakale ringsum, zu denen inzwischen noch viele von fern her gekommen waren, senkten die Köpfe zwischen die Vorderbeine und putzten mit den Pfoten; es war, als wollten sie einen Widerwillen verbergen, der so schrecklich war, daß ich am liebsten mit einem hohen Sprung aus ihrem Kreis entflohen wäre"


Und wenn ich mal Leser habe, werde ich mich sehr freuen, das Stöckchen weiter zu geben.

To begin with...

Today was therapy-time again. I didn't mention yesterday's breakdown (just ask my twitter-friends...) for the simple reason that I know exactly what it was and where it came from. A mixture of alcohol, PMS (it's seems to be getting a problem since last month), my cute little personality disorder and the fact I will never ever be over my Ex. But I really didn't feel like talking about it.

So, as last week, all we talked about was that I want to join a choir.

All of my time in school I was a passionate choir girl and I love to sing. Although I would never do it sober and knowing that somebody's watching. But then it is my fear of people that stops me from signing up somewhere.

My therapist said I should make a pro- and con list, which basically probably is a pretty good idea. Except I hate pro- and con lists.

And once again I noticed that she generally speaks a lot more than I do. I don't mind. I'm always pretty self-conscious in conversations. And I still think it's a better way of handling it that the old bag who always has her session before me. She talks without stopping and so loudly that I could probably fix her right from the waiting room.

Well, all in all it wasn't a very good day but one that was easily bearable. And the one on which I decided to write again.