30 Day Personal Picture Challenge - Day 3

Day 03 - A picture of what you did today

30 Day Personal Picture Challenge - Day 2

Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today

(Sorry I have no ass.)

30 Day Personal Picture Challenge - Day 1

Day 01- A picture of yourself

30 Day Personal Picture Challenge

Day 01- A picture of yourself
Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 03 - A picture of what you did today
Day 04 - A picture of where you went today
Day 05 - A picture of your morning
Day 06 - A picture that inspires you
Day 07 - A picture that makes you cry
Day 08 - A picture of yourself
Day 09 - A picture of what you had for lunch
Day 10 - A picture of what you like to do
Day 11 - A picture of your favorite drink
Day 12 - A picture of your favorite food
Day 13 - A picture of your friends
Day 14 - A picture of your favorite teacher(s)
Day 15 - A picture of yourself
Day 16 - A picture of your dream cell phone
Day 17 - A picture of your mp3 player
Day 18 - A picture of your room
Day 19 - A picture of your favorite musical instrument(s)
Day 20 - A picture of where you want to honeymoon
Day 21 - A picture that makes you think of your loved one
Day 22 - A picture of yourself
Day 23 - A picture that describes your life
Day 24 - A picture of what you did today
Day 25 - A picture that you edited
Day 26 - A picture that makes you angry
Day 27 - A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 28 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 29 - A picture of yourself
Day 30 - A picture of you and your best friend




Source

An idea... my life

I'm planning to write out my biography soon.
I just need some time to word everything right and get an actual text together that is not too much tainted with alcohol.

Music Monday

I know I haven't posted in quite a while... I keep thinking about it but then don't feel like it.

Anyhow, here are two wonderful songs which suddenly popped into my head again today...

Acid In[di]gestion

there's a hole in a brick wall
six black beetles are
running in a circle
being purposeless

a pillowesque desk in the
corner of a science
room has become the
death bed of a cute girl

she will never sample bottled
chemicals again

and her stomach once contained a bowl of weetabix
but a beetle now abides within her ear
and she doesn't understand the things he whispers
when you poison yourself you can't hear
can't hear
can't

she will never sample bottled
chemicals again

and her organs have become a single organ
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed
she downed
she

 

Acid In[di]gestion Pt. 2

and the organs have become a single organ
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed

when the beetles decided to eat off her skin
it was supple as silk, saturated with sin
and the tissue inside was so heavy with drink
that in two or three bites not a beetle could think

and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to

when the spiders decided to sew up her eyes
they were frightened by their sickly color and size
and the youngest retreated in fear of the deep
and the eldest were silent and sewed them to sleep

and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to

 

 

 

 

Sobering up

I've finally decided to stop drinking. Somehow I never wanted to before but I'm sick of it. Drinking up my leftovers last night I didn't even enjoy the feeling of being drunk. And that's what I need to remember: I don't enjoy being drunk anymore.
I'll probably have to tell myself that every day. And I'm really not sure if I can always make myself listen.

28, day three

I just got out voluntarily for the first time since Thurdsay morning. After about 700 pages I didn't feel like reading anymore. I'm actually giggling (well, slightly smiling) at the TV.
Now drinking tons of coffee and and listening to the cats dismantle the apartment some more. I might play some Sims...

I realized yesterday now that I'm not that drawn to the computer that much and when I'm at it, get bored quickly, I might actually enjoy doing crafts again. Listening to audiobooks which I have tons of at the moment and sewing and or knitting or just doing a fucking jigsaw. Without my iPhone I used to listen to the books in bed, I actually have to be up to do so and while I am, I might as well do something productive...




Edit: Pretty much 12 hours later. I picked up. And I discovered that half of the wine I thought I had drunk on Wendesday was still sitting around. So I drank it. And I don't like the feeling of it.

In addition I just went out to get cigarettes in the fucking cold. And I realized that I've been smoking a pack since noon. That only happens when I'm feeling active and/or drunk. The last 3 days I smoked only one...

Grasping back at life

It's been a horribly weird week.
I was off of work which was fine but it did give me too much time too think and drink and get aggrevated by people.

I survived yet another birthday and am pretty much okay now.
I let go of all of the people who might possibly could be bad for me. Which means 95% of my twitter crowd. Some of them were horrible and I just got rid of anyone of that whole circle. I'm sorry to lose some of them but it's better. I just can't be around anybody who might harm me ever again.

Of course I also lost my iPhone while out for my birthday and I'm starting to think it's for the better. I've been constantly checking twitter, checking emails, checking facebook, etc. etc.... At the moment not even the computer is drawing me very much and I spent the last two days in bed reading several books.

It's just what I might have to do. Not reach for the computer when I'm bored cause I know for a fact it won't alleviate my boredom. Not let anyone from the internet get too close. Not call anyone a friend until you've spent a certain amount of real time with them.
And just try to get my shit together, like I always do. Well, most of the time.

The apartment is a pit once again. I was going to get up and get something done today but I stayed in bed and read. Which was just fine. I'll get by. I'm not expecting any company in the near (or far) future and I'll get this place tidied up in my own time. I know I will, I always have so far.

I'm surprised at how positive I'm feeling at the moment. Especially since only last morning I felt like popping a bottle of sleeping pills.
I think it's because I've got nothing and nobody to think about at the moment. My real life friends I only talk to every couple of weeks and it's just fine the way that is. Work was fine before my vacation and it will be fine after. Okay, my therapist will be pissed that I haven't confirmed her appointment yet but I don't have my fucking phone anymore. I'm trying to stay sober for as long as I can. Currently alcohol has no appeal to me at all.
And nobody will be able to hurt me anytime soon. Nobody at all.

(Belated) Music Monday

I simply love this song. And recently it just seems to pop up in my head for no reason and gets stuck there. Which I don't really mind.

Birdeatsbaby - Here She Comes-a-Tumblin'
(click to listen!)

Here she comes a tumbling
Tumbling from the sky
I stop to question liberty
I ask my mother why

Here she comes a tumbling
Arms and legs and eyes
Oh Ivory there’s three of me
and each of us is blind