Day 01- A picture of yourself
Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 03 - A picture of what you did today
Day 04 - A picture of where you went today
Day 05 - A picture of your morning
Day 06 - A picture that inspires you
Day 07 - A picture that makes you cry
Day 08 - A picture of yourself
Day 09 - A picture of what you had for lunch
Day 10 - A picture of what you like to do
Day 11 - A picture of your favorite drink
Day 12 - A picture of your favorite food
Day 13 - A picture of your friends
Day 14 - A picture of your favorite teacher(s)
Day 15 - A picture of yourself
Day 16 - A picture of your dream cell phone
Day 17 - A picture of your mp3 player
Day 18 - A picture of your room
Day 19 - A picture of your favorite musical instrument(s)
Day 20 - A picture of where you want to honeymoon
Day 21 - A picture that makes you think of your loved one
Day 22 - A picture of yourself
Day 23 - A picture that describes your life
Day 24 - A picture of what you did today
Day 25 - A picture that you edited
Day 26 - A picture that makes you angry
Day 27 - A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 28 - A picture of what you wore today
Day 29 - A picture of yourself
Day 30 - A picture of you and your best friend
Source
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
An idea... my life
I'm planning to write out my biography soon.
I just need some time to word everything right and get an actual text together that is not too much tainted with alcohol.
I just need some time to word everything right and get an actual text together that is not too much tainted with alcohol.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Music Monday
I know I haven't posted in quite a while... I keep thinking about it but then don't feel like it.
Anyhow, here are two wonderful songs which suddenly popped into my head again today...
Acid In[di]gestion
when the beetles decided to eat off her skin
it was supple as silk, saturated with sin
and the tissue inside was so heavy with drink
that in two or three bites not a beetle could think
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
when the spiders decided to sew up her eyes
they were frightened by their sickly color and size
and the youngest retreated in fear of the deep
and the eldest were silent and sewed them to sleep
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
Anyhow, here are two wonderful songs which suddenly popped into my head again today...
Acid In[di]gestion
there's a hole in a brick wall
six black beetles are
running in a circle
being purposeless
a pillowesque desk in the
corner of a science
room has become the
death bed of a cute girl
she will never sample bottled
chemicals again
and her stomach once contained a bowl of weetabix
but a beetle now abides within her ear
and she doesn't understand the things he whispers
when you poison yourself you can't hear
can't hear
can't
she will never sample bottled
chemicals again
and her organs have become a single organ
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed
she downed
she
six black beetles are
running in a circle
being purposeless
a pillowesque desk in the
corner of a science
room has become the
death bed of a cute girl
she will never sample bottled
chemicals again
and her stomach once contained a bowl of weetabix
but a beetle now abides within her ear
and she doesn't understand the things he whispers
when you poison yourself you can't hear
can't hear
can't
she will never sample bottled
chemicals again
and her organs have become a single organ
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed
she downed
she
Acid In[di]gestion Pt. 2
and the organs have become a single organ
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed
that can't function but it sits there in the ground
it was melted by a liquid sort of acid
that from curiosity she downed
when the beetles decided to eat off her skin
it was supple as silk, saturated with sin
and the tissue inside was so heavy with drink
that in two or three bites not a beetle could think
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
when the spiders decided to sew up her eyes
they were frightened by their sickly color and size
and the youngest retreated in fear of the deep
and the eldest were silent and sewed them to sleep
and the insects that invade her coffin gnawed inside
of the flesh that she forgot to say goodbye to
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sobering up
I've finally decided to stop drinking. Somehow I never wanted to before but I'm sick of it. Drinking up my leftovers last night I didn't even enjoy the feeling of being drunk. And that's what I need to remember: I don't enjoy being drunk anymore.
I'll probably have to tell myself that every day. And I'm really not sure if I can always make myself listen.
I'll probably have to tell myself that every day. And I'm really not sure if I can always make myself listen.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
28, day three
I just got out voluntarily for the first time since Thurdsay morning. After about 700 pages I didn't feel like reading anymore. I'm actually giggling (well, slightly smiling) at the TV.
Now drinking tons of coffee and and listening to the cats dismantle the apartment some more. I might play some Sims...
I realized yesterday now that I'm not that drawn to the computer that much and when I'm at it, get bored quickly, I might actually enjoy doing crafts again. Listening to audiobooks which I have tons of at the moment and sewing and or knitting or just doing a fucking jigsaw. Without my iPhone I used to listen to the books in bed, I actually have to be up to do so and while I am, I might as well do something productive...
Edit: Pretty much 12 hours later. I picked up. And I discovered that half of the wine I thought I had drunk on Wendesday was still sitting around. So I drank it. And I don't like the feeling of it.
In addition I just went out to get cigarettes in the fucking cold. And I realized that I've been smoking a pack since noon. That only happens when I'm feeling active and/or drunk. The last 3 days I smoked only one...
Now drinking tons of coffee and and listening to the cats dismantle the apartment some more. I might play some Sims...
I realized yesterday now that I'm not that drawn to the computer that much and when I'm at it, get bored quickly, I might actually enjoy doing crafts again. Listening to audiobooks which I have tons of at the moment and sewing and or knitting or just doing a fucking jigsaw. Without my iPhone I used to listen to the books in bed, I actually have to be up to do so and while I am, I might as well do something productive...
Edit: Pretty much 12 hours later. I picked up. And I discovered that half of the wine I thought I had drunk on Wendesday was still sitting around. So I drank it. And I don't like the feeling of it.
In addition I just went out to get cigarettes in the fucking cold. And I realized that I've been smoking a pack since noon. That only happens when I'm feeling active and/or drunk. The last 3 days I smoked only one...
Friday, April 20, 2012
Grasping back at life
It's been a horribly weird week.
I was off of work which was fine but it did give me too much time too think and drink and get aggrevated by people.
I survived yet another birthday and am pretty much okay now.
I let go of all of the people who might possibly could be bad for me. Which means 95% of my twitter crowd. Some of them were horrible and I just got rid of anyone of that whole circle. I'm sorry to lose some of them but it's better. I just can't be around anybody who might harm me ever again.
Of course I also lost my iPhone while out for my birthday and I'm starting to think it's for the better. I've been constantly checking twitter, checking emails, checking facebook, etc. etc.... At the moment not even the computer is drawing me very much and I spent the last two days in bed reading several books.
It's just what I might have to do. Not reach for the computer when I'm bored cause I know for a fact it won't alleviate my boredom. Not let anyone from the internet get too close. Not call anyone a friend until you've spent a certain amount of real time with them.
And just try to get my shit together, like I always do. Well, most of the time.
The apartment is a pit once again. I was going to get up and get something done today but I stayed in bed and read. Which was just fine. I'll get by. I'm not expecting any company in the near (or far) future and I'll get this place tidied up in my own time. I know I will, I always have so far.
I'm surprised at how positive I'm feeling at the moment. Especially since only last morning I felt like popping a bottle of sleeping pills.
I think it's because I've got nothing and nobody to think about at the moment. My real life friends I only talk to every couple of weeks and it's just fine the way that is. Work was fine before my vacation and it will be fine after. Okay, my therapist will be pissed that I haven't confirmed her appointment yet but I don't have my fucking phone anymore. I'm trying to stay sober for as long as I can. Currently alcohol has no appeal to me at all.
And nobody will be able to hurt me anytime soon. Nobody at all.
I was off of work which was fine but it did give me too much time too think and drink and get aggrevated by people.
I survived yet another birthday and am pretty much okay now.
I let go of all of the people who might possibly could be bad for me. Which means 95% of my twitter crowd. Some of them were horrible and I just got rid of anyone of that whole circle. I'm sorry to lose some of them but it's better. I just can't be around anybody who might harm me ever again.
Of course I also lost my iPhone while out for my birthday and I'm starting to think it's for the better. I've been constantly checking twitter, checking emails, checking facebook, etc. etc.... At the moment not even the computer is drawing me very much and I spent the last two days in bed reading several books.
It's just what I might have to do. Not reach for the computer when I'm bored cause I know for a fact it won't alleviate my boredom. Not let anyone from the internet get too close. Not call anyone a friend until you've spent a certain amount of real time with them.
And just try to get my shit together, like I always do. Well, most of the time.
The apartment is a pit once again. I was going to get up and get something done today but I stayed in bed and read. Which was just fine. I'll get by. I'm not expecting any company in the near (or far) future and I'll get this place tidied up in my own time. I know I will, I always have so far.
I'm surprised at how positive I'm feeling at the moment. Especially since only last morning I felt like popping a bottle of sleeping pills.
I think it's because I've got nothing and nobody to think about at the moment. My real life friends I only talk to every couple of weeks and it's just fine the way that is. Work was fine before my vacation and it will be fine after. Okay, my therapist will be pissed that I haven't confirmed her appointment yet but I don't have my fucking phone anymore. I'm trying to stay sober for as long as I can. Currently alcohol has no appeal to me at all.
And nobody will be able to hurt me anytime soon. Nobody at all.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
(Belated) Music Monday
I simply love this song. And recently it just seems to pop up in my head for no reason and gets stuck there. Which I don't really mind.
Birdeatsbaby - Here She Comes-a-Tumblin'
(click to listen!)
Here she comes a tumbling
Tumbling from the sky
I stop to question liberty
I ask my mother why
Here she comes a tumbling
Arms and legs and eyes
Oh Ivory there’s three of me
and each of us is blind
Birdeatsbaby - Here She Comes-a-Tumblin'
(click to listen!)
Here she comes a tumbling
Tumbling from the sky
I stop to question liberty
I ask my mother why
Here she comes a tumbling
Arms and legs and eyes
Oh Ivory there’s three of me
and each of us is blind
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
"So do you have problems with heartburn too?"
What a day!
It started with me waking up at 4 am with cramps from hell. Then, after getting up, taking an ibuprofen and telling the cats about 20 times that it's not time for breakfast yet, of course I couldn't get back to sleep.
I didn't get up when the alarm rang and made it to work at 1 fucking 30 pm.
I was supposed to have a meeting with my social worker this afternoon and my boss did try to make me go (it is sweet how caring he is) but I was pretty glad to have an excuse to blow it off. Since she told me that she's pregnant, she's different. More reserved and detached somehow. Maybe it is because I didn't congratulate her but then I just don't get how having babies is the greatest thing in the world.
Especially not if they turn out to be little shitheads like the one I had the joy to listen to when I was outside for a few minutes this noon. It was just screaming its head off and the mother kept saying "I'm going to have lunch on my own then. It's getting cold and I don't want to eat cold food." about 20 times in a row. At some point I just hollored at her to shut up and just do it then but I don't think she heard me.
Anyhow, I ended up working till eight just to get enough hours in. And of course after work I couldn't go straight home because I forgot to get something at the supermarket yesterday. So while I was freezing my ass off at the traffic lights (funny how it's so much colder at night with the sun gone...) this little dodgy looking guy leaned into me. I was listening to music LOUD on my headphones so I couldn't hear him but when I pulled one of them out he was going on about his heartburn. I just glared at him and pointedly put it back in. Didn't help though.
At least the extra trip to the supermarket gave me an excuse to buy beer. And I need it! I'm really tense right now, chewing my fingernails and picking my scalp. And the fucking computer just pooped out on me. At least this auto-save business seems to work!
It started with me waking up at 4 am with cramps from hell. Then, after getting up, taking an ibuprofen and telling the cats about 20 times that it's not time for breakfast yet, of course I couldn't get back to sleep.
I didn't get up when the alarm rang and made it to work at 1 fucking 30 pm.
I was supposed to have a meeting with my social worker this afternoon and my boss did try to make me go (it is sweet how caring he is) but I was pretty glad to have an excuse to blow it off. Since she told me that she's pregnant, she's different. More reserved and detached somehow. Maybe it is because I didn't congratulate her but then I just don't get how having babies is the greatest thing in the world.
Especially not if they turn out to be little shitheads like the one I had the joy to listen to when I was outside for a few minutes this noon. It was just screaming its head off and the mother kept saying "I'm going to have lunch on my own then. It's getting cold and I don't want to eat cold food." about 20 times in a row. At some point I just hollored at her to shut up and just do it then but I don't think she heard me.
Anyhow, I ended up working till eight just to get enough hours in. And of course after work I couldn't go straight home because I forgot to get something at the supermarket yesterday. So while I was freezing my ass off at the traffic lights (funny how it's so much colder at night with the sun gone...) this little dodgy looking guy leaned into me. I was listening to music LOUD on my headphones so I couldn't hear him but when I pulled one of them out he was going on about his heartburn. I just glared at him and pointedly put it back in. Didn't help though.
At least the extra trip to the supermarket gave me an excuse to buy beer. And I need it! I'm really tense right now, chewing my fingernails and picking my scalp. And the fucking computer just pooped out on me. At least this auto-save business seems to work!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Music Monday
I recently became a MyHogwarts Beta tester.
That page introduced me to Wizard Rock for the first time (they have a radio). To be honest, a lot of it is just cheesy, pathetic shit but I discovered this one song that I LOVE LOVE LOVE for its music. And for Wizard Rock, the lyrics aren't tooooo bad either.
The Moaning Myrtles - And then I died
(click to listen!)
One rainy day at Hogwarts school
I got new glasses and I thought they were cool
Olive Hornby passed by
I said, “Don’t I look fly?”
She said, “No ugly Myrtle, you look more like a fool.”
I went to the bathroom on the second floor
What was Olive thinking, now this is war
So I started to bawl
And ran into a stall
And I heard a boy talking just outside of the door
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.
I don’t know what happened during that attack
My body seized up, everything went black
Then I floated away
And you know what they say
My life still sucked so then I came back
That evil witch wouldn’t get away
I haunted Olive Hornby every night and day
Till the Ministry called
Oh and they were appalled
I was sent back to Hogwarts where I am today.
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.
Been the bathroom ghost since the night I fell
It’s not so bad if you ignore the smell
I was sorry to go
But there’s one thing I know
Olive Hornby is burning in hell
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes
And now I’m Moaning Myrtle and I live in a toilet
Olive Hornby got what was coming to her
As you know, nothing’s been the same ever since
The day I…
That page introduced me to Wizard Rock for the first time (they have a radio). To be honest, a lot of it is just cheesy, pathetic shit but I discovered this one song that I LOVE LOVE LOVE for its music. And for Wizard Rock, the lyrics aren't tooooo bad either.
The Moaning Myrtles - And then I died
(click to listen!)
One rainy day at Hogwarts school
I got new glasses and I thought they were cool
Olive Hornby passed by
I said, “Don’t I look fly?”
She said, “No ugly Myrtle, you look more like a fool.”
I went to the bathroom on the second floor
What was Olive thinking, now this is war
So I started to bawl
And ran into a stall
And I heard a boy talking just outside of the door
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.
I don’t know what happened during that attack
My body seized up, everything went black
Then I floated away
And you know what they say
My life still sucked so then I came back
That evil witch wouldn’t get away
I haunted Olive Hornby every night and day
Till the Ministry called
Oh and they were appalled
I was sent back to Hogwarts where I am today.
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes and then I died.
Been the bathroom ghost since the night I fell
It’s not so bad if you ignore the smell
I was sorry to go
But there’s one thing I know
Olive Hornby is burning in hell
Get out of my bathroom, you’re really creepy
You’re not a girl and you don’t belong here
I don’t understand you, stop speaking in tongues
Saw a pair of yellow eyes
And now I’m Moaning Myrtle and I live in a toilet
Olive Hornby got what was coming to her
As you know, nothing’s been the same ever since
The day I…
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Spacebrain 2.0
It's 7-fucking-30 on a Saturday morning and I've been up for almost an hour. Why? Because I forgot to turn off my alarm clock last night, of course! During the week, when I have to get up and go to work, I usually feel like hitting the snooze button about a million times. Today I'm awake! I really don't like life's sense of humor.
I broke my Twitter break last night but I acted pretty civilized and didn't overshare too much. And two of the three people I texted/called totally ignored me. And I texted early. There's no way both of them were asleep already before nine o'clock.
I take stuff like that very personally. My therapist brought up my not asking people to spend time with me for the upteenth time just this Thursday. (And I hate answering the same questions over and over again. I might just have to mention that.) And this is exactly why I don't do that much. Because they don't want to spend time with me. Because it's me. And who can blame them? I wouldn't hang out with me if I had a choice.
I broke my Twitter break last night but I acted pretty civilized and didn't overshare too much. And two of the three people I texted/called totally ignored me. And I texted early. There's no way both of them were asleep already before nine o'clock.
I take stuff like that very personally. My therapist brought up my not asking people to spend time with me for the upteenth time just this Thursday. (And I hate answering the same questions over and over again. I might just have to mention that.) And this is exactly why I don't do that much. Because they don't want to spend time with me. Because it's me. And who can blame them? I wouldn't hang out with me if I had a choice.
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